It's a beautiful, six-cup muffin tin, stamped with "Muffinaire." The company's name is United Aircraft, Dayton, Ohio, which is where she lived out her adult life.
Libbie and I have been making a lot of muffins lately, and I feel that in my subconscious it might be just so I can pull out the Muffinaire tin and feel connected to her, the first Libby.
It always comes clean perfectly—the advantage to using something that old. You know if it's still clean after so many years, it's been seasoned. It will always be shiny and just right. The muffins will be perfect.
That Libby, my grandmother, died on June 29.
She's been in the process of dying for years, since diverticulitis ripped her insides and left her a shell. Sometimes she was full, a pearl still there ... sometimes cracked open and insides ripped out, lost inside fuzzy memories.
I am thankful, in a way, for the end of her suffering. But guilty and pained that she never met my son, only her second great-grandchild. Guilty that I didn't call her more, because her not-quite-there memory made me cry, because she wasn't sure that I was I and not my sister, her sister, a stranger.
I'll remember her in the mountains, bright smiles as the cool air whips. At the beach; in Chincoteague with the ponies. Clinking 50th anniversary mugs with my grandfather.
She was a beauty, a saint, a reader, a writer, the namesake for my precious daughter.
And I keep making muffins, holding onto her for a last hug I did not get.
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This took me slightly longer than 5 minutes, but The Gypsy Mama's 5-Minute Friday was what prompted me to stop staring at the screen and actually write this, without editing.
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Beautiful tribute ~ thank you for sharing! Just found your lovely blog today. Would love for you to come see me sometime, too:
ReplyDeletehttp://sceneofthegrime.blogspot.com
<3 Laurie, Scene if the Grime Blog
Your writing of your grandmother reminded me a lot of how I feel about my late grandfather - treasured memories, naming my son's middle name after him, him not meeting his second great-grandchild, ...
ReplyDeleteThis was lovely. Makes me think of my sweet grandma, Fran. I talk about her all of the time to my children. I found out I was pregnant with my first the week after she died. Missing her.
ReplyDeleteBeth
Well, crud - and now i'm crying at work. *hugs* to you! Glad you have the beautiful memories. I'm terrified that Gabe's grandmother (i have no grandparents left) will not be here to see the day that we have babies. It's something i really want to share with her.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your grandmother. My grandmother and I have a special relationship, too, and I'm lucky to still have her. I'm praying I have kids soon enough that they can meet her. Thanks for sharing your story and for hosting the link-up event.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. In time, may the Lord give more joyful memories than sad ones.
ReplyDelete(Using my late grandmother's things helps my heart, too.)
That last line - how you keep making muffins in lieu of the hug you can't get -that's the most beautiful image! Thanks for linking up Jessie! So glad to have your story to share with the Five Minute Friday crew :)
ReplyDelete~Lisa-Jo
This week I was able to introduce two granddaughters, almost 8 and 5, to sewing. As they worked on their first soft dolls and pillows, I sent up a prayer of thanks to their great-grandmother, Rita, for passing along her love of stitching and fabrics to me and now on to them. What a remarkable legacy.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful tribute. I share similarities with you and loosing my Grandma a year ago in June. It was nice to read this post.
ReplyDeleteSarah L